Finding your flow.... June 17 2016
"Like riding a wave that you knew was taking you somewhere and you trusted but also was scary as hell. And once the wave crashed on the shore there was no turning back. For a while there was whitewash, foam and confusion but now that the tide has receded the damage and debris have been cleared away and there is nothing left but the white sands of paradise it is so clear that the tsunami that you rode in on was not your life it was just a ticket out of it. That time has past.... The rough water no longer yours. And everyone stuck in the whirl pool behind you are there of their own choosing and it feels liberating to no longer be tossed around as part of it. Occasionally the rough waters still reach our shores in an attempt to unburden their debris but now - nothing can drag you back in"
I wrote this on my personal FB profile about a week ago now and i have been thinking about what this really means for me. Now whilst clearly there is a lot going on in my world that you are not privy too and nor do i wish to share. Its just not productive for anyone to say unkind things or dwell on hurts of the past. I did want to share with you what i have learnt...
Through the process of doing and undoing, of being and unseeing, through the peeling back of layers once again to become yet another raw version of the person that i am. Through so many 'light bulb' moments the local Bunnings is now out of stock i have some things i would like to share...
1. You are not your story - from this moment forward you can chose to be a completely different version of yourself. you can walk a different path and no matter how 'trapped' you feel you have the capacity for choice and change you just need to find the courage.
2. Nothing in this life is permanent - this is actually deeply comforting to me. I like that change is inevitable (i get a little bored with routine!) What this mostly means is BE PRESENT! You will never have this time again, you will never live this moment again and whether it be good, bad or indifferent it too shall pass.
3. You are your own rock - you are your own foundation and you must cultivate this strength in yourself.
4. To compromise your spirit for another is to die a small death - compromise in life is necessary for harmony and to exist in the world. Deciding where to have breakfast with friends, how much money to allocate to spending on your new endeavours, which phone you should buy.... what is not ok to compromise is our spirit. You can not shrink yourself in order to make others feel comfortable. You can not shelve your dreams because they don't fit with someone else's idea of you. You can not surrender to less affection than you deserve. You can not allow yourself to be diminished by the small mind of another. You can not suppress your sexuality because it does not match your partners. In essence if you have to 'be' someone else in oder to 'be' with someone else.... you my friend are cheating yourself out of YOUR life.
5. You can not live your life according to the standards or expectations of others - have you made decisions about your life and changed what you wanted to do in order to avoid the 'stigma?'. Are you filling a role rather than living a life? This is your life - you only get one shot at this one in this time and space and if you are living it for someone else, to avoid hurting or disappointing someone else you are wasting it.
6. Your happiness is the most important commodity - I'm not talking about indulging every selfish whim that we have. I am talking about living in your authenticity and truly enjoying yourself and the company you keep. In Yoga our first Dharma (duty) is to ourselves and if it is not fulfilled you can not fulfil your Dharma to your family or community. As the saying goes you can not pour from an empty cup.
7. Do your internal work and all else will come - my biggest fear in life used to be of 'stuffing it up'. Stuffing what up i'm not sure but i felt as though if i didn't do it just right then i would get in trouble from 'someone'. As a grown adult let me tell you unless you are breaking the law you actually have no-one to answer to but yourself. If you listen to that Anahata nada (heart song) you will never go wrong. In the last couple of years i have done some completely irrational, logically insane things because my heart and body told me to. Despite the protests of my mind i followed my intuition and through the storm (even during) i have been and am the happiest, most centred and healthiest I've ever been in my life.
8. No action is still action - if you think by ignoring a situation you aren't making a decision about it then you are wrong. You have decided to stay where you are.
9. Those who truly love you will always love you - no matter what you do they will always have your back. If they don't, if your life decisions make them uncomfortable or offend them in some way then they never loved you. If their love comes with conditions - then they never love you. Sorry.
10. Surrender....... you don't need to control everything and the universe has a way of squaring things off. If you don't get what you wanted find the lesson. If you do - have gratitude.
No matter how much life changes and how quickly, know that it really is only a fleeting moment in the span of time and even though at times is seems all encompassing and overwhelming it will pass. Enjoy the journey for what it is. Follow your path, cultivate virtues and a peaceful nature and allow yourself the time and space to breathe and be.
On the mat - as in life.